The Washington Toast
A Real Class Act!
Articles so funny you and your friends will pee their
pants laughing!
How's that for Class!
Buy now and get 50% off the regular price of
$14.99
$7.50
THE WASHINGTON TOAST
Founding Editors of the Washington Toast
So
then... Why
buy the Washington Toast?
Since were all financially fucked to tears, then why not? But since that
probably isn't good enough for most of you, here are some other reasons
why you should buy this once in a lifetime collection that belongs in
the National Archives right next to the Gettysburg Address!
- We worked hard to write this book and it is worth every penny
of what you're spending to buy it! No Bull!
- The Washington Post Refused to Publish these Journalistically
sound Articles.
- Because we hired starving and abused writers the Washington
Post fired. We fed them and nursed them back to health. Now we need
your money to support their drug habits, which is why they were fired
from the Post in the first place.
- One of our writers has won a Pulitzer Prize. (He
claims to be the re-incarnated soul of Earnest Hemmingway)
- Because the Washington Toast is funnier then the Onion! Did we
say that already? Oops
- Because the world really needs a good laugh right now and
were funnier then the Onion.
- Stores across America refused to sell this book because of
the threat of lawsuits from the Washington Post now we need to pay
our lawyers.
- If you're here looking for a freebie, forget it. We don't
give no freebies.
And now for a word from our marketing department.
What is The
Washington Toast?
For us cave dwellers who live in Washington DC, one of the few
bennies is close proximity to ground zero for the Washington Toast,
one of the strangest (not to mention funniest) publications anywhere.
If you haven't been clued in to what the Toast does, it is a
dead-on, straight faced parody of American newspapers. It is
beautifully crude and sophomoric in a manner that no magazines or
websites no longer
aspire to, and for readers looking for some deathly funny satire in
this politically-correct, can't-we-all-just-get-along, sissified age,
it is a lighthouse in a stormy sea.
So what's The Washington Toast Articles you Won’t find in the
Washington Post all about? It is a parody of those fin-de-sickle
commemorative most major newspapers put out wrapping up what a great
year it was in the news, ignorant of the fact that most of us could
have cared less considering the coverage we had to tolerate. If you're
up for slaughtering some sacred cows with a smile and have more of a
sense of humor than your typical Thought Police Government Bureaucrat,
then you've come to the right place.
For those of us who have long desired a good dose of wry and
winsome humor The Washington Toast, is a treasure trove of biting
satire and clever use of modern language. In this provocative book,
you will find that the writers most often approach the subject at hand
via parody, and some of the finest ever to have graced the internet
since National Lampoon and the Harvard Lampoon.
The editors and writers at the Washington Toast, routinely attack the
most sacred shibboleths and taboos of society, ranging from what
happens when you stand in line to long at Starbucks to a investigative
report on what caused a sagging Washington
monument. From sexism and home surgery kits, to the twisted bizarre
world of Washington Politics to the dangers of traveling to Atlantic
City on a bus filled with poker crazed senior citizens. To be sure,
the humor that results is by its very nature often tasteless and even
a little but crude. For those of us with a taste for such bawdy fare,
it's nice to have all this stuff in print and available for instant
replay. Now we hope that we have persuaded you to buy our book. If not
then click on into the oblivion of the internet and...
Sincerely,
The Editors
$ 7.50
Letter from the Editor,
Look all of you cheap, pathetic
internet surfers sitting on your fat ass's scouring the web for whatever free barnacles you can
dredge up, the Washington Toast is a great book of humor and satire
worthy of a few of your precious dollars. Besides, were on such a
tight budget that we have to use army surplus lap tops powered by over
weight interns peddling bikes hooked up to a generator for power.
Things have gotten so cheap around here that were considering having
the company dog put to sleep because we can’t afford the dog food.
Things have been bleak. Four suicides, three heart attacks, five
nervous breakdowns. We had one guy who swallowed a bottle of nitro,
then punched himself in the stomach. Two weeks later were still
finding bits pieces of him laying around the office.
So, if you don’t buy this book, then I’ll have
to fire another writer who will have to go home and tell his already
starving family that they will have to eat cold cereal for the
indefinite future. When these kids develop rickets it will be your
fault, not mine!
For gods sake, please don’t make us have to
fire any more writers. We have looked in there personal files and seen
the police records of some of these psychopaths, and let me tell you,
firing these guys would be hazardous to my health and to the entire
Washington DC area.
We have gone through the wringer to bring you
a decent book of comedy and satire. Since our recent lawsuits with the
Washington Post we are on the brink of financial ruin and have begun
to stock pile weapons to fend off those bastards over at the Onion who
also want to shut
us down. We are on the front lines here in DC fighting the humorless
idiots who are running this train wreck and fighting your
fight too! But more importantly, buy this book and help me keep a writer on his medication.
You get a great book and I get a few bucks to provide second hand
expired medicine to my writers so that society does not have to suffer
the consequences of a deranged un‑medicated ex-writer from the
Washington Post. Buy this book and make America a safer place for us
all. It’s a win, win all the way around.
Sincerely, The Editors
Buy now and get 50% off the regular price of
$14.99
Special Deal!
$7.50
Also Available from the Washington Toast
The Poor Slobs Guide to Becoming a Millionaire
Click on the cover for details!
Read this book and you just might get rich!
The Washington Toast Copyright 2009
contact us at
dctoast@aol.com
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